Trust the Process: Life after Diagnosis - Behind the Edge Arsenal Edition

Trigger Warning - Illness on show with sniffles, and talk about Arsenal FC.

The plan for this week's Behind the Edge show was to talk about my arthritis but my team, Arsenal FC won the premier league the night before, and I woke up on my birthday to seeing them in the papers as Champions for the first time in 22 years, that doing an adhoc episode was too good an opportunity to turn down.

For years us fans, the teams and everyone connected with the club have been told they weren't good enough, they'd never make it, always the bridesmaid never the bride, much like those of us with chronic illness in some ways, you're economically inactive, a burden, you can't be successful, it'll be too hard for you, just give it up.

But on the 20th of May 2026, every paper around the world saw how much their teams success meant to them, finally achieving their goal to reach the top of the league.

So many people who have barriers like chains holding them down, struggle to break through them and unleash their edge with the fire in their hearts, but those who have, achieve the unthinkable and pave the way for the rest of us to thrive with life after their diagnosis, and that is who this episode is for.

As you know I don't tend to edit my videos and treat them like a livestream because chronic illness is my reality without the opportunity of an edit or replay so do excuse my sniffles, about 24 hours later my conjunctivitis kicked in and I've struggled with reading and typing today but still got sh!t done.

This is my reality, let me help you unleash yours. 

#arsenal #trusttheprocess #lifeafterdiagnosis #thechronicedge #illnessisnotaburden #arsenalfc #unleashyouredge

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hello everybody and welcome to the Chronic Edge Unleashed, where chronic illness and neurodivergence thrives in the workplace. I'm your host, Elliot Evans, and today we are back with Behind the Edge. Unleash your edge. So this is my freehand one. This is um uh usually I have something prepared and I would usually prep it as you've seen me multiple times I'll or or heard might have heard me say it multiple times that I tend to read off a lot of notes so I don't use my brain for or go off on a tangent. But there is on odd occasion where I might pick a an episode and just do it freehand and see whatever comes from my brain and everything, and see from that and everything. Uh that that's uh anybody who's um heard the Connectives um interview in there will notice that that's that happened quite a bit during that talk. That I'd be halfway through a conversation of something they've asked me and then completely forget what I was talking about. It does happen, it does happen, it's part of the condition and everything, so it's sometimes a bit harder to to go through all the different details based on one particular subject to keep myself on track. Uh, but I do try uh and yeah, we'll go from there. So this one there is no script, there it uh is just me and you uh talking together. And I thought I'd do this episode, and I I had no plans for this particular episode, it was a completely different episode I had planned out. I I have actually got scripted out, and um but last night, as you can see, um anybody who's watching on YouTube, I'm wearing my Arsenal um uh golden uh golden black top uh with Arsenal winning the league uh yesterday and with it being in the papers today, and today's my birthday as well, so it's absolutely amazing to wake up and see in the papers and everywhere uh you know um Arsenal champions. And I th and I had a bit of a think while I was while I was filming, uh about to start filming, I thought maybe I'll put a jumper on and everything. But I thought, you know, there's a great opportunity here to uh to talk about not talk about football, to talk about Arsenal, but the the the idea behind it all and and so and how it interplays a little bit with with with what I'm doing and everything. I will explain that. So uh I'm not gonna go into detail why I'm an Arsenal supporter, and I'm obviously never lived in London, but um and I'm not a big fan of London either. I will tell the story for you because it does make a little bit of sense of going, you know, for anybody who's gonna go, why well arsenal? Uh so uh I was never into football growing up as a child, um obviously undiagnosed autistic and um other and kleinfelder and stuff like that. So I did struggle to uh get into a lot of the sports growing up, feeling a little bit different and people into the football and things. It was never really for me. I did watch like the World Cup and I watched a lot of England and everything, but I was more into snooker um uh or that individual type of sport and thing, you know. I like I like pool, I like snooker, uh I liked uh those types of things, temping bowling, you know, I was very good at that and things, but I was never really into the football, and my father was never into football, he was into snooker and and things like that. And uh some of the family liked Manchester United, but I I really didn't like a lot of that type of stuff anyway, so I wasn't really into it, but then um I uh uh got into my 20s, uh early 20s, and I got new friends and things like that. And one of my friends, who is still my uh closest friend and everything, we've been friends for uh nearly coming on to 30 years. We'd gone temping bowling one one afternoon on a Sunday for uh pie and peas and uh and a bit of bowling uh you know for a fiver. Yeah, you know, it was absolutely brilliant. Every Sunday morning, go and get about three hours worth of bowling, pie and peas, and a brew, uh, which was great. And um he was talking to me, and he was a mass, he's a massive Liverpool supporter. Uh and he's been on the show. He has been on the show. If anybody goes through the Living on the Edge uh shows, he has been on the show. So um, you know, we do we did mention football at one point in it. And he uh said to me, said look, you know, you you need a team, you need a team, we need to banter off each other, we need something, you know, something in there, you need to pick a team. And you're obviously not livable, and uh so I looked at the Premier League listings and I I I I wanted to pick, I didn't just randomly pick a team, I didn't want United. Um, no, no offense to Manchester United or anything like that. I just didn't want them. A lot of the family were Manchester United, and I heard them going on about a lot of stuff, and I didn't like it. So I looked at some of the English players that were playing at the time, I like David Seyman, like Keion, um, and people like that, and I thought, you know, I like these players. Maybe I'll watch some games, and I watched various games, and I thought, you know, I like I like these players who play for this particular team, and I think it was around the time that Arsen Venga was just coming in and he was uh looking at this thing and bringing in this new philosophy and things, and that really interested me. As you know, I I'm I'm a very bitch big fan of uh research and and development and things and innovation, and he he was coming in and bringing all these new things in because it was always a case of like just going out for pints and and and things. I I wasn't really into that, but I liked all this sort of new innovation stuff and everything else, it sounded really cool. So I I so I watched a few of their games and um and I decided well I'll do that, I'll I'll I'll pick them. Uh that sounds cool. It was before L the Invincible stuff, it was before any of that, before any of the trophies uh and everything, and I I'll I'll I'll do that because I like I like some of the team. So I picked them, and then we had uh the um banter for quite a period of time. Uh obviously weren't winning, and I got more into it, and got more into it. And over the years, we then got the invincibles and then we got everything else, and then we went 20 odd years winning nothing. And I thought at one point I would have probably dropped out and probably not stuck with it or anything. But it did, it my love for the team grew stronger, my love for you know football in general grew stronger. And I'm lucky in that that my wife um is into football as well, and is into other sports like motorbikes and um and football and everything. We watch other games, we don't just watch Arsenal, but uh Arsenal's my team. I'm a season ticket holder for Blackpool FC uh as well because that's the the the wife's team and and and her family's team. And um I know I enjoy watching Blackpool and I enjoy watching it, I got really into it. And so I've been in into the football now for coming on 25 to maybe even 30 years, actually, it might be actually coming on to 30 years really got me into it, and that's why I got into it. But it that's not the point of of today of why I'm into football. It the the point was is looking at though that 20 years of hurt sort of thing. Yes, we'd won other cups and and things, uh but the league never won the Champions League, you know. It it was sort of like it's sort of like your journey in health, really. In some ways, I'm gonna sort of you people might not totally get this and everything, but uh I've been thinking about it. So they've had to go through the team and and as a fan, you you go through so much uh stigma in there, or you you're this, you're the bottlers, you're second, you're rubbish, you're never gonna do that, you need to get better, you need to grow better, you need to do this, you need to do that. 20 odd years of it always the bride maid, never the bride. And to then achieve that thing that nobody ever had expected, nobody at the beginning of this season said Arsenal winning the league. They all went Liverpool, Man City, Arsenal fourth, they're gonna achieve fourth, they might get second, probably third, completely written off. And even though all the way through, and you know, people are gonna catch them, people are gonna catch them, even up until last night. Man City are gonna beat Bournemouth, they're gonna take it to the last game, and Arsenal will choke. Because it's happened in the past, but something through their strength and resilience and just keeping going and just trying to achieve the unthinkable, and then they've achieved it. So when I look at it in uh like with unleashing the edge type stuff, and I talk about that type of stuff, is when you get chronically ill, uh when you get ill in general, people write you off. You know, it's sort of like the employers, you're unreliable, you're never gonna make it. I remember with my neurodivergence, I was writing a report, and it wasn't the person who asked me to write the report that had said it, but I'd put in lived experience autistic because it was a report for on autism, and they asked me to remove it, and not and the reasons for it is they said we'd want you to remove the lived experience autistic because we don't want the people who read it to know you're autistic, and I'm like, Well, it's a report on autism, it would work in my favour if I'm autistic, because then it's done with somebody who actually knows what they're actually doing, as we talked about previously in the in our last episode Um on arthritis in the workplace with the cream. You know, if you can't un if you can't open the jar uh and everything, you know, what's the point? You need somebody who actually is lived experienced to maybe write about it. And they said, well, it's not me, I don't think it at all, because I know you're worth it, I know you're brilliant. It's the people who read it, the higher-up people, the people with the big the big books and things like that, will read lived experience autistic and think you can't do it. They'll think unreliable, not up for the task, intellectually disabled, not smart enough to do that type of job. I do apologize, my nose is running. Um not smart enough, not capable, because they saw the condition first. Doesn't matter the report was brilliant, doesn't matter the report had so much data, so much information, so much research, it was brilliant. It was about a hundred thousand pounds worth of uh uh potential grant or um or or funding and everything else. It didn't matter that it was easy to pass that. They would read that you were I was a lived experienced autistic and say, no, that's personally can't do it. So I'd uh so I I really I got really upset about it and everything, and I didn't I didn't want to take it out, but it wasn't my report, so I did take it out because I didn't want them losing out on the money. But it it it's those types of things being written off as uh when you're ill and everything, it's sort of like as we've said in multiple different videos, is the unreliable, um you know, lazy, sick, gonna cost money and things. That these this is the reason I do these videos and these uh and these audios and the and the chronic edge in general is to prove that illness is not a burden. And it's to go, it's to fight through all of the stigma, all of the hated, hatred, all of the all the stuff that people, all the myths and everything that people put out to people like us that were not able to do stuff, that were economically inactive, were just a a a waste on society, were a burden, you know, and everything. And it made me think about uh the team uh in in that the arsenal there of that 20 years of always being told you're never good enough, uh you're never gonna make it. Uh oh, why you bother uh following the team? Everybody else is better than you. Uh you're never gonna get back to the way you were. You're never that good anyway. Yeah, you were lucky in things, always dis dis uh dissing the stuff the achievement. And and then last night, you know, 22 years of waiting for that day and still not fully kicked in and everything, especially for me. Um it's still it I would have preferred to have won it on the pitch absolutely, uh, and things, but still, probably my heart is probably feeling a little bit better than having to struggle at watching one of the games uh and everything for that. But excuse me. It you you think about with your own journey of like when you you get your job and and stuff and you're doing your job and you're doing a really good job. And if you had listened, I think about so I I was I was told um I would never work again. It was sort of like you know, you you're done, you're dusted, you're probably never gonna work a full day's job again. Uh you're probably gonna be on benefits and things, and I did do some benefits, I um don't do any benefits anymore uh or anything, and um and I could have done that, I could have gone down that route, and I remember being in bed six days a week, drinking or amorph, with looking at my diary, going, Oh, slept today, so it was up for about an hour, uh, managed to do a bit of reading, that were it. Oh, I'm in bed again. I remember dating my wife, and uh, we tried to go out and everything, and I'd end up throwing up. Um, we we couldn't stay out. We tried to do a meal out for one of my birthdays. I'd managed the meal, we were going through a comedy show, and I was too sick after the meal. The meal would take me out, it was too much, you know. Take having to take showers and needing to rest for hours afterwards.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

It was so it was so hard.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Do apologize um having to uh need assistance. Sorry, just I'm just gonna grab some tissues here just to uh wipe my nose and everything. I'll just do this on screen and do apologize.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Sorry, right, okay. We're back, we're back.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Um so it was um struggling to get to uh to do anything really. You know, I needed help sometimes to get to the bathroom, and it and it was really, really hard, and I didn't think at any point would I would I be sat here, you know, uh, or anything. I thought that were it, I was done, and I didn't want it to be. And I remember uh doing lots of reading and uh mindset training and listening to um fearless motivation, the the the soundtrack people on there. I listened to their morning and night, I listened to other people. And I I said to my I kept seeing to myself, I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna get back to work, I'm gonna get back to work. Um and I did. It took it took about 18 months, and I went back to full-time work, working with the NHS, um, doing a lot of walking as well, you know. I didn't think I was gonna be able to do it, and but I told him, I said, look, you know, I will I can do this, I can do this, and I did a great job. I'm not just saying it to big myself up and everything, I did a great job. The the the remnants of that work is still being seen today, and I haven't been in that job for years. And I got headhunted to another job, and then I've gone or done all the jobs since, and things have got bigger and better, and I've met so many people, and the stuff I'm doing now has come from it, and everything, and it's been amazing. And I think about those days going back that if I had listened to all of those people when they said you're never gonna make it, my life would be completely different.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

I'd be sat probably still in my mum's one of my mum's spare bedrooms, heavily medicated, uh thinking woe is me, really depressed.

SPEAKER_00 16:04

I probably would have done something stupid. I did think about it at one point. I rang the Samaritans, I really needed help, they didn't answer. Um it was something to do with phones, the way that they did the uh the phone calls. It's all automated now, so it's very different back then uh and everything. And uh if I and I think about the I think about that a lot. I think about the things that I could have ended up doing or where I would have been had I listened to those things, to where I am right now, trying to help other people understand that illness is not a burden. And and it kind of goes a little bit with with the football in that of that 20 20 odd years that of other people listening to it, the the fans, the players, the the team, the coaches, everybody, and your your team's not good enough to then achieve the unthinkable yesterday and potentially something more later on, who knows? And it and that and it it made me think about my journey through it all of all that sort of stigma, and I probably ramble in a little bit with this uh and everything, but you know, I think it's really important to understand me behind the edge, so to speak, as we do this particular channel, behind the edge of where my motivations lie, of where I've come from, that it's not I'm not just uh some in Instagram thing with a perfect life, you know. I'm making millions of pounds uh and running around you know, taking photos with um, you know, I don't know, penthouses and this lot, and I can make you a millionaire and it, you know, as long as you buy my playbook or buy my thing, that's how you make your millionaire. You you're buying you're buying somebody else's template uh and everything, but they haven't made it. They can only make it if you buy their template, you know. Uh so it I'm not one of them. I'm not one of them at all. I'm I'm somebody who has massively been through it uh with lots of crap, currently going through it all the time myself uh with different things. It is incredibly difficult to work and live with chronic illness and neurodivergence to be able to move forward with the constant of you're not good enough, even internally, you're not good enough, you're not you're never gonna make it, you know. What the hell? I should redo this video. Um, but I'm not going to because you know I do it live and everything, you know, waltz and all. But sometimes as I do these types of things, and it's one of the reasons I do it live, is is I'm never a hundred percent. And it's important to see that because it's real life. If I was in a meeting face to face with somebody and I had the sniffles, I can't say, well, just can we just pause this meeting for a minute while I just change the screen and edit it? It's real life, it's real life, you know.

SPEAKER_01 18:52

You can't do that.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

So I don't tend to do a lot of editing on here. What I didn't tend to do is if I start if I start off and it's rubbish and everything, I'll just restart it. But uh when I'm halfway through it, like I am now and everything, I'll just keep it going. Um because it's important to see the real person behind there and everything. And I really I won't give a monkeys if people think it's not massively professional, and I should edit all over the place. Editing isn't reality, chronic illness is reality, divergence is reality. Working in the workplace is a one-time thing, your life is a one-time thing, it's a reality. You get no playbacks, edits, and all of that. So it's why why would I edit it?

SPEAKER_01 19:35

Makes no sense at all. But and it's one of those big things about unleashing your edge because it's do excuse me, sorry.

SPEAKER_00 19:47

It's what's inside you. You know, it's what is important to you that you want to get out that is more than your condition that you can share with the world. Now it could be anything, you don't have to be doing this stuff that I'm doing, you don't have to be having a high-powered job, you don't have to be making millions of pounds, you could work at a charity, you could work, you could work anywhere that makes your heart sing. And that's what's important, is making your heart sing and making yourself happy. And if you can make some money doing it and everything, well, that's bloody fantastic. And it's just about proving that you are more than your condition, and when people say that you can't do it because of this, there is life after diagnosis. There absolutely is life after diagnosis. I've worked with multiple people and multiple different jobs that have so many different things and everything that if they had thought that after their diagnosis that was it, they would never have done any of it.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Never have done any any of it whatsoever.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

But so many great things are achieved after diagnosis, and you could be one of them. So I'm just really talking to anybody here who's ever thought that because of something that's happened to them that they can't they can't be great. And I want to tell you you can. You know, you can. I believe you'll all be more successful than me, and I really hope you do be and everything, and you can massively, massively do well and unleash your edge upon the world. And and if you ever wanted an example of some of of something that went years and how long it can potentially take before that actually happens. It does not op happen overnight. Looking at the arsenal is a great example of perseverance over the years, of going through the mill over the years. Twenty-two years until yesterday, until today, you know, seeing it in the paper. If you look at it today, to seeing it in the paper today, champions. Twenty two years to get there. So there is there is no time frame on your success. You just gotta keep going at it and keep going at it and showing the people what you got to be able to keep going at it and go. it and that's what I wanted to say. And if you know, and it's the main thing for why it's called the chronic edge. The and why I use the sword and the chains and the flames. The sword is you're uh you're be always between success and a flare. Double edged sword between success and a flare. The chains are those barriers that pull you uh that keep you confined. You can't you can't do this you can't do this. You won't be able to do this. You are incapable. They're the chains. And the flames are absolutely bursting through them. Bursting through those chains and everything to set your whole world on fire to you know flame on as they say flame on unleashing that edge breaking through those chains show it a sword is a warrior as well and everything and that is the reason why I have those particular things in there and why it's important to me and that. So this one's been a bit weird in there for the unleasher edge and a little bit about the Arsenal really I don't I'm gonna post this in but uh that I really wanted to put this one out there because I thought it was really important and the uh the the link between the the football and uh the the Arsenal as the 20 odd years and what I'm doing in leash and the edge and how chronic illness and stigma and everything kind of married up quite well and I do apologize about the nose and everything but you know that's life you know as we we don't get edits we don't get reruns and everything it's just life and everything sometimes I I struggle with my eyes I can't see my am I in pain and everything and I won't shield that from you either you know because that is the reality of chronic illness and everything things shit happens you know and you just got to keep going you just got to moat through it and get to the end of it and everything. So I appreciate you being with me today and everything and there's completely random different episode of there like I say we'll be back with arthritis in the in the workplace next next week uh for the inclusive workspace then we're back to the audit where we'll be looking at um sickness long-term sickness and short term sickness um if anybody hasn't already done the book I would really appreciate that that is the burning profits 10 myths destroying your workforce good for employees and employers as well you know get that book on Amazon and Waterstones online and other book publishers are available I would really appreciate that and then we'll um and if you've got any questions or or any thoughts or any strategies that might help other people and everything definitely pop them in pop them send me some fan mail uh pop them across the socials and everything I really appreciate it and you've got to remember that illness is not a burden data use it and unleash your edge I've been Elliot Evans and I'll see you on the other side come on you don't usually